Family B-day Sunday

We had our usually family birthday party yesterday – basically since there are 5 of us siblings, each with at least 2 children, we coordinate birthdays among the kids.  So yesterday we celebrated the July birthdays.  It was a long day to say the least, but we got some good pictures out of it!

All the kids

stupid cancer

So, I just found out last week that after 18 years in remission, my mother has breast cancer again.  Diagnosis is that it’s “aggressive”.  She’s living up north, away from the better medical facilities, so obviously my sisters and I were concerned about her treatment.  She told us that her doctor, who practices out of a local hospital up there, wanted to perform a partial mascectomy.  I asked her “Do you think you are going to get the best treatment up there?”  I’m sure I can speak for my sisters when I say that I wish my parents lived down here in the city where there is a better selection of doctors – lets face it – they aren’t getting any younger or healthier…

Since then, my mom did get a second opinion, which nixed the mascectomy and is doing a ’sentinal node biopsy’ instead.  Then, if things don’t go as planned, she may have to undergo radiation.

Wanna know the kicker?  The same week we found out about my mom, my dad was also diagnosed with cancer.  They have ruled out lymphoma, but they are doing further tests to see where the malignant mass originated from…

Did I mention my my co-worker is out this week, getting a node removed from her neck due to her thyroid cancer? Geez…

I, not my children, define me

I’ve been struggling for some time now on finding the “me” that I used to be.  Maybe it’s a waste, maybe that person is long gone.  But who am I?  I don’t want to be defined as just another mother.  I don’t want the only topic I am capable of speaking about to be my children.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my children.  They are precious and sweet and a breathe of fresh air every day. But what about me? What about the individual inside of me that disappeared the moment my body became a vessel for new life?  It’s that very notion that I am struggling with every day.  I want the opportunity to reach that person, to give them room to grow as I have as a mother.